Some of my friends remark that my boyfriend and I manage to get along so well – we’re harmonious and rarely quarrel, we are happy when we’re together and when we’re thousands of miles apart… so what’s the secret?
I’m no relationship expert, but I can tell you that BEFORE I want to lose it with my boyfriend, I stop myself.
And take some big deep breaths.
And refrain from pushing my inner red ANGER or INSECURE button.
So today we’re going to talk about losing it with your boyfriend, which is something I rarely do, if ever.
First of all, let’s define what LOSING IT means.
LOSING IT with your other half means that you had a bad day at work/with friends/at a party or whatever, and your first immediate reaction is to call your boyfriend and he doesn’t pick up your call or can’t pick up your call, but you NEED him to pick up so you can vent to him, and then you get frustrated that he can’t do it because FFS you just WANT to talk to him.
LOSING IT with your other half means that he doesn’t clean the dishes or want to do the things you want to do (like, actually get out of the house even though it’s freezing cold/frigging hot outdoors) or says or does something that annoys the hell out of you. OR you feel like he NEVER LISTENS to you but lo and behold, his dad/mom/friend/stranger says the EXACT SAME THING you told him and he takes their advice. You are 10 seconds away from exploding and that poor boy has no clue.
There are many more other ‘losing it’ scenarios but let’s just focus on these two.
In situation one, I want you to take three deep breaths. Ready? OK.
Then, ask yourself, why am I losing it with him?
Why does he need to pick up the phone/listen to me/whatever? Why do I get mad if he doesn’t do it?
I’m going to throw a thought at you…
Is it because you’re insecure and need his validation? If he doesn’t listen to you *at that time* or can’t pick up the phone, you lose it, want to get into a big fight over basically nothing and threaten to end the relationship because you want him to apologise… sounds familiar?
I’m not saying you are a spoiled princess. I’m asking you to reflect on where your behaviour comes from, because it could be you being insecure. Some of you are going to use the “But I’m human!” shit on me. Whatever. I’m telling you to grow up and not lose it at your boyfriend because you can’t deal with your own insecurities.
Let’s move on to situation two.
I can see how this situation can escalate, because I’ve had to deal with shit like that with MY boyfriend. It’s like, I advise the guy on something for twenty times (not like I’m counting ;-)) and he doesn’t take heed. But when his dad says the EXACT SAME THING he thinks it’s the best idea in the world?! WTF?!
I’m telling you not to lose it, but to laugh at it. Laugh that your boyfriend thinks that you’re like a naggy mom and doesn’t listen to what you say. It’s NOT because he doesn’t value your opinions seriously and it’s NOT got ANYTHING to do with your self worth. Boys got to be boys and don’t you tell me that you never once had the situation where you took your friends’ advice and not your mom’s? Does that mean you DON’T love your mom? Does that mean that she ain’t a formidable woman? HELL NO. See where I’m going with this?
So how should you deal with these situations? How do you make it better?
I’m going to tell you that there are no answers. Every guy is different and there is no one solution that would help everyone. Some guys are rational and some guys just don’t f–king give a shit. (By the way, if you keep taking shit from your boyfriend, you should evaluate your relationship. This post is only for girlfriends who sometimes lose their shit with their boyfriends.)
So that’s my advice to you. The next time you want to lose it with your boyfriend because you think it’s a) totally justified, b) you want to exert your authority as the queen of the world and/or c) it’s happened too many times and you’ve ‘had enough’ and this is the ‘only way you can communicate’, take two steps back and three deep breaths.
And then do the tango of life.