Long distance relationships are hard – that’s a given fact.
To long for your other half, knowing that he can’t be beside you when you need him badly is tough. It is tough when you think about all the couples walking happily on the street enjoying each other’s company. Every time when I visit The Boyfriend, I know that we have less than 48 hours with each other, which makes things so difficult. Last Sunday when we were at a park and only hours away from my having to fly back to London, I thought about all the other couples who have all the time in the world with their other half — their Sundays would include a Sunday evening together, having dinner, talking, laughing and enjoying each other’s company. We don’t have that.
Then there are times when I focus on the positives. Some couples live together and break up – The Boyfriend and I are hundreds of miles apart and yet we are able to work the distance.
One of the biggest things I’ve learned from being in a long distance relationship is that you need and have time. Lots of it. Time when you aren’t with your other half. Time when you are with your other half (13% of time in my case). The time you spend when you aren’t with your other half is crucial. You need to have a life – a hobby (hobbies), time spent with your friends, time NOT feeling miserable, time talking to your parents, time reconnecting with old friends, “me time” (I’m big on me time) and time you spend doing other stuff, like household chores, walking the dog, going shopping etc. If you focus on how alone you are in this world, you’re doomed. I mean, we’re all alone in a way.
A month ago, I fell into that trap of “I’m depressed… alone… I don’t find satisfaction anywhere in my life…” and I told my mom about it.
Being Mom, she said, “I think you’re just bored.”
And she was absolutely right.
Another thing you need to be absolutely comfortable with is trusting your partner. Trust and honesty go a long way in relationships – but any insecurities you have about your relationship will be magnified in a LDR. You can text your other half and he might be in a different timezone doing something else and unable to attend to you and if you are the slightest bit insecure, you could be wondering where he is, what he’s doing, and who with. And you don’t want to go there. There was once The Boyfriend and I were going out to picnic last May after work, and I had bought salads for us but put them in my office fridge. I went to the fridge to check every hour that it’s there, fearing someone would take it and eat it (it happens). The Boyfriend told me to relax and that “if someone steals it and you discover half an hour later, it’s half an hour too late, so don’t keep checking… if it happens it happens.”
I think we can apply the same logic to relationships. If he’s going to have a roving eye or cheat on you, he will eventually do so, no matter how much you try to check on him. So just relax. If you lay your boundaries clear to him and he crosses it, he’s out. Life is simple, really.
The last and perhaps the most important thing I’ve learned whilst being in my now year-long LDR is that you can’t give up. Never lose faith. Ok, I lose faith sometimes – but they’re fleeting thoughts, thoughts that don’t last more than half an hour. Ok, that doesn’t sound great. Hm. It helps me knowing that I have friends who also are in long distance relationships, and I have friends who manage to come out of a LDR to a normal-distance relationship. If knowing and listening to their stories isn’t good enough, I think about the future and how wonderful it would be when The Boyfriend takes his final flight to move to London and I can wrap my arms around him, knowing that we’d stay together permanently. 🙂