Last Monday, I was at work, and my stomach started to ache. I probably ate something bad because all of a sudden, I had an acute pain in my abdomen at the most inopportune time.
I knew I couldn’t go home because we had so much to do for the day and I had a meeting later in the day, so I applied pressure on the part with the ache, popped some pills and continued doing work using just one hand.
I wanted someone to empathise with what I was going through, and so I went to The Boyfriend, who happens to also be my best friend. I stepped out of my desk, gave him a quick call and he didn’t seem to care that much or think it was that big of a deal. In fact, he said that talking to me was “making me feel better”, as if his words were healing potions.
The pain eventually ebbed, but I wished that The Boyfriend would make a bigger deal. I wished he would at least come after my work ended to see me and make sure everything was alright, no matter how busy he was. I wished he would cuddle me, make me a warm cup of tea and tell me everything’s going to get better.
When that didn’t happen, I complained to my other best (female) friend and another close friend, and they both reported the same problem: their boyfriends are lacking a sensitive chip too. My best friend confirmed that men are just dense and they are too practical and think that if they can’t do something to make their other half feel better, they won’t do it. My close girlfriend said that when she bruised her knee, her boyfriend brushed it off and told her “you didn’t break your knee” so it wasn’t a big deal.
My best friend rightly pointed out though that men who are extremely caring and sensitive tend to be needy and clingy and that her and my boyfriends’ behaviours are typical alpha male. The Boyfriend and I have open communication, so I told him exactly what was on my mind and asked him why he didn’t make it a bigger deal. His response was that he honestly didn’t think it was that big of a deal and making it a bigger deal would mean that I am a spoiled princess (I object!!) and that he “respects the independence of women”. Don’t get me wrong, he’s not the kind of guy who won’t take care of me when I’m really ill – I had a full blown out fever/cough/flu over winter and The Boyfriend took care of me and made me feel like I was loved. I guess this time, he didn’t realise that I was in that much pain (he wasn’t there to see it) and thought I could deal with it on my own. He’s also not my mom (even though I tell him that he definitely should be more than my mom!!).
For women, my take on this is that men are like that. They’re just different. Sure, there are some men who deviate from the norm but just like women can be [insert women common trait here], we just have to live with it. If your guy is lacking a major sensitivity chip, it would be a good idea to talk to him about it nicely. If he doesn’t give a hoot, dump him (I’m serious).
If you’re a guy reading this and spot your girlfriend craving attention from you when she’s ill, my advice is to give it to her provided if she’s reasonable. She’d appreciate it and she’d love you even more if that’s possible. 🙂