Quite a number of my friends have been thinking about breaking up, or have recently broke up with their other half. Things aren’t just working anymore, or they’ve been on the end of the giving side of the relationship and they can’t give anymore.
Well, to say the truth, the Boyfriend wanted to end our relationship three weeks ago.
I didn’t see it coming. I thought we had a great relationship. I thought we were good communicators, but I didn’t realise that both of us were gradually becoming unhappy with our relationship and where it was going. We both knew that we were becoming unhappy, but for some reason we didn’t communicate this. It all started with this girl whom he’d gotten close to and I let my own insecurities get the better of me, even though she actually likes this other guy. Because of my insecurities, I wanted our relationship to head to somewhere – but he didn’t foresee it happening until a few years later, even though he is receptive towards it.
When he said he wanted to break up, I was in disbelief. The worst part was I didn’t even shed a tear. I don’t even know why – maybe because I didn’t want to turn up at work, eyes puffy or feeling bad and not be able to perform at the workplace as my job is highly demanding and requires me to be absolutely calm and level headed.
Two days later, he came back and said he’d made a mistake. It was a haste decision. He shouldn’t have done that to me and he realised that he really does love me and it was worth whatever temporary unhappiness we had.
I guess what I’m trying to say here is, just because you think your boyfriend or your girlfriend is The One, it doesn’t mean that he/she is The Only One. My best friend and I both love our boyfriends – they love us back too – and trying to work through all our problems, trying to compromise is all part of a relationship. Neither of us is 100% happy with our relationship, but I don’t think that is a reason to break up with someone. I don’t believe that you can be happy, every day, with a person, and I don’t think I’m short-changing myself by saying this. I know that my boyfriend has always been loyal, just that he is clueless when it comes to how I feel about things. I try to compromise. In turn, he compromises by sacrificing some of his work time to spend time with me, to go on short vacations with me, to support me on anything I want to do by volunteering to be there for me and also to handle my natural demanding behaviour. Nobody’s perfect – my boyfriend isn’t and I know I am not either – but when you live to accept life’s imperfections, you’d lead a happier life.
Obviously, there are many red flags that you know you should end a relationship. Things like your other half is being physically/emotionally abusive, he never compromises, he is destructive instead of constructive or other things that will never change. And I know that some of us stay in a relationship because we don’t want to be alone. My best friend and I are like that. We don’t want to go through the dating process over again; we don’t want to go on dates, not really knowing when or who will be the next The One and all we ever want is a steady, serious relationship where we can go home and hang up our shoes and cuddle next to the someone we love. Of course, that’s not the only reason we’re in our relationships, and of course you can argue that we’d always find another someone, but honestly I don’t like that idea anymore. I remembered how it was like to be single and while I enjoyed the freedoms of it, I didn’t enjoy the horrible process of dating. Sure, it was fun, but most of the time it was never permanent, or you could date someone for a year and realise that you’re going nowhere. All I want is for someone to be loyal, loving and caring to me – that’s what the Boyfriend is – and the only things that upset me in our relationship are things that can be attributed to my or his “fault”; my insecurities and him being more independent than I am.
I realise that I’ve been rambling on for quite a bit here with no major clue or formula as to whether you should break up with your other half, and I’m going to get to that now. What I’d say is that there is no rule or formula. I’m not here to tell you to break up with your other half, because I personally have experienced the pain of breaking up with previous boyfriends and it hurt a lot and there were times when I wished I could take it back. I also happen to know that the odds of finding someone you love and someone who loves you is low, or at least for me it is because I don’t fall in love easily. Sometimes, you can really be unhappy, but you have to ask yourself how long are you unhappy for? Is this something that has already been communicated with your partner and is this something that can be resolved? Really think about this. Think about whether you’d feel happier in the long term without this person. When you picture your future, is this person in it? Have you spoken about the future with your other half and is he receptive?