Acceptance is a big deal in relationships

A couple of my friends who are currently in relationships are going through some rocky times, and sometimes you wonder if it’d ever be your turn. I mean, life isn’t a bed of roses, and you have to be careful with relationships, right?

The boyfriend and I aren’t perfect. We communicate well, we love each other and we trust each other. But we aren’t perfect human beings. There are days when we disagree and we need to take time out to think about things, which isn’t easy when you’re in a long distance relationship and you talk on Skype every day. Our daily ritual is: I write him an email so he reads it in the morning, we live our day, Skype with each other, he writes me an email and I read it before I go to bed or when I wake up in the morning.

Maybe I’ve dated a couple of men who aren’t the best, but every time when we disagree over something, I expect the boyfriend to tell me, “Okay, I’ve had enough and it’s over.” However, whenever I read his emails, he’s still as sweet as ever. He doesn’t give up on me over something small or petty, or if I happened to be more demanding because it’s the time of the month. He probably doesn’t realise this, but he is the first person I’ve dated who accepts me for who I am. He has seen me many times without any make up, with my dorky home glasses, messy hair and bad days. There hasn’t been a single complaint even when I am difficult, which I usually am sometimes. (Or maybe he complains it over a beer with his best bud, heh.) This makes me appreciate him more for who he is and it makes me accept his flaws.

Flaw #1: The boyfriend has said that he’s impatient, which he is but not more so than me.
The upside? He does the dishes because of his impatience. He detests seeing anything that’s unclean. (I think this coincides with the German way of life – otherwise known as Ordnung.)

Flaw #2: He’s characteristically straightforward and may sometimes step on your toes because he says what he means.
The upside? You know that he never lies and is always honest. And when he says “I love you”, he means it with his heart, 100%.

Some people might think that it is even more difficult to be accepting when we come from two different cultures. Sometimes it really is the make it or break it point. But I’ve never been against anything that was uniquely from his culture, and he is always open to learning and hearing about practices in mine. We literally have never had a problem because he’s European or I’m Asian, and I’m thankful that he is open minded.

An aunt recently came to visit my mom and I, and she made a good point: every one comes as a package. You can’t say that you love a person, but you wish he wasn’t so stubborn or so [insert that person’s flaws]. It’s a part of who they are. I agree with this point and I think every one is made of so many unique characteristics – both physically, mentally, emotionally and in character – that it’s impossible to replicate them. After that reflection, I wrote an email to the boyfriend (who’s on vacation with his family now) to say that I am so lucky to have him, because there’s just one [insert his name] in the world. He wrote back thanking me, feeling flattered but I suspect also a little bit confused. :p

A relationship is definitely hard work – anything that’s worth deserving or having is. At times, it may be difficult to see the silver lining in things, but maybe sometimes it isn’t that bad of an idea to give it a shot.

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