When do you say “I’m sorry”?

Arguments. We all hate it. I hate it. I hate disagreeing and I hate the familiar feeling of getting hurt. Sometimes, the argument may be over literally nothing big, but you just feel upset that the person you love and trust, the very same person whom you gave your heart to, abused their power and misused it.

So when do you say “I’m sorry” and who should say it?

1. You’re sorry because you truly are sorry.
You messed up, you made your girlfriend or boyfriend upset, and it’s your fault, 100%. There’s just absolutely no question about what you said or did. Someone’s heart was hurt or broken, and it’s your fault. Don’t argue your way out of things and trying to claim a “I’m sorry but I was actually 10% right”. If you’re sorry, you’re just really sorry and you should show it. It doesn’t even matter if you’re 10% right – you’re sorry to have broken her heart, and you apologise for that. The argument’s over. No point claiming it. That’s right. Move on.

2. You’re sorry because you didn’t intentionally do something to hurt your partner, but it did anyway
This is the kind of apology that gets some women riled up. “I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings” is NOT an apology. The word “if” in the English language is conditional. You know she’s hurt, because she’s not replying your text messages or calls or she’s crying. Being sorry if something happens means that you’re not really sorry in the first place if that didn’t happen. It’s probably like stabbing someone in the guts and saying “I’m sorry if you got hurt”. Yeah right. You aren’t really sorry at all. It isn’t a genuine apology. When you apologise, you should say either “I’m sorry” or “I’m sorry for hurting your feelings”.

3. You’re sorry because you got into the argument
Yes, you’re sorry because you got into the argument. I know, I know. It doesn’t make sense. It’s his fault anyway. Why should you apologise? He’s being an unapologetic, he said unkind words, he was rude to you, and the list goes on. But you have to take the moral high code. You are in this argument with him and you are sorry that you are. You’re not sorry for being mean to him; you’re sorry for how he has to be mean to you. You know how when we were kids, our parents used to take us (and our sibling whom we quarrelled with) apart and asked us to apologise to each other? No? Okay, then this is something that you might want to bookmark for future reference. So what do you say? A simple “I’m sorry that we’re in this argument”. That’s it. That should shut his trap.

There probably should be another entry on forgiving people, but that’s for another time and another day. Right now, the weather is too incredibly warm and I need a nice, cool shower.


2 thoughts on “When do you say “I’m sorry”?

    1. Absolutely! A person who knows when and how to apologise sincerely has one of the good hallmarks of a great communicator. Thanks for the comment.

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