I have never talked about trust issues with The Boyfriend, nor have I ever mistrusted him once in the whole course of our dating period and relationship. Yes, I have been curious once if he dated someone else shortly before dating me, but that was it.
Some people might believe this to be naive – why don’t I check his email, Facebook, cell phone messages, call him to ask him what he’s up to. Well, for one, I’m way too busy to be doing any of this shit, and two, I trust him. Period.
Love has rules. It’s unconditional, for one. And I’m not saying this in a Christian/religious point of view, because I’m not Christian, I’m not religious and I have yet to formally subscribe to any form of religion. But I’ve learned about love just by seeing and being a part of my parents’ long and happy marriage. Do they disagree? Hell yeah you betcha. Do they not love each other or hate each other a little because of that? No they don’t. Does my mom constantly hound my dad and check his emails, his cell phone and where he’s up to all the time? No, because she trusts him. Has he ever cheated on her? No, of course not. Love is really easy. It’s humans that make it difficult. (Yeaah, I admit I’m a little bit part of that. Maybe a huge part. Okay, a big part.)
There’s also a rule about trust. It’s all or nothing. If you trust someone, then act like it and believe in it. If you check on his emails etc, it means distrust. Any 1% or 0.01% of mistrust or distrust means that you DON’T trust that person. It’s pretty much like saying, “Oh, I love you, Mommy, but just for today. Maybe not tomorrow, maybe not when you’re angry or upset at me. But I love you Mommy today.” There’s no choice here. And I think this serves you well in real life, because even if you get burned, you get burned earlier rather than later. You can do all the email checking in the world if you want to, but if someone wants to cheat on you, he will do so and you will have no idea about it, however smart you think you are. (And if you continuously attract cheaters, you should reevaluate why you attract cheaters – sorry, it’s true. For a long time I was dating guys who were “meh” and I realised that that was my fault and there was something wrong with me and I had to change.)
So… there it is. I hope I don’t come across as preaching on how to trust or to force my ideals of a relationship unto you, but trusting is just that. Relationships are just that for me. I might be lucky as I have never been cheated on and therefore don’t have any major trust issues. But whatever issues I do have, I make sure to go to a counsellor/therapist (I just did earlier this year!) and resolve things.
If you came here wanting to know how to trust your boyfriend/girlfriend or how do you trust that your boyfriend isn’t up to no good in a long distance relationship, you should relax and just trust. Just do it. It’s liberating and you don’t have 1,678,092 things to worry about each and every single second of every day. I’m not saying it works, because hell yeah you can get burned, but that it is just another way to live your life and it’s absolutely your own choice and it’s mine.