There are some taboo topics during first dates. Don’t discuss politics. Don’t discuss religion. That’s what all the online websites will have you believe. Well, if you don’t feel comfortable talking about them in the first date, when will you ever feel comfortable talking about them? I’m not saying preach your religion or political inclinations to the other party, but … are you comfortable talking to him about that? Do you see him as someone whom you can communicate with on these topics? If you can’t, then how are you going to ask him questions of equal (or more) importance?
I think that’s why some relationships fail. Lack of communication, or just… weird communication.
Anyway, to prove that I’m not the holy grail of communication, the boyfriend and I talked about weight. We were just having a nice chat about animals and pets and all of a sudden, I heard the word “FAT” and I was alluded to it if I were to put on weight.
Nobody has ever told me not to put on weight. In fact, MANY people have told me to – from my grandma to well-meaning friends. My mom just commented that “my butt is lost” i.e. I no longer have a shapely behind. (Thanks Mom.) So what’s this whole “fat” topic about? Well, I WANT to put on weight, because I think I’m too skinny, but apparently eating a lot and swimming like a mad man (I can swim 2km at a go, three times a week) doesn’t cut it.
I’m 5’6″ and weigh 107 pounds. In the British-metric system world, that means 168cm and 48.5kg. I am a US size 0-2 and a UK size 6.
And I eat… tons. I snack throughout the whole day with my friendly friends, KitKat and darling Swiss chocolate. I eat three or four meals (yes, MEALS!!) a day and don’t deprive myself of sausages if I’d like some. In essence, I’m consuming a ton of calories each day, but my body just burrrrrns all of them up like it isn’t a big deal. Hurrah… for whom?
So when I brought up putting on some weight to look better and less skinny to the boyfriend, he was appalled. Appalled that I suggested such a thing – and he said he doesn’t want me to be fat.
Well, I don’t want him to be fat either, but that’s besides the point. The point is… I don’t think being 168cm and 53kg is fat, for example. My current BMI is 17.18 which is kinda low for me, and putting on 5kg will just mean that my BMI goes up to 18.78, which is still somewhat below the “healthy range”. Is it really that bad? I was hurt. Hurt that he ever thought about this, and I told him that I was unhappy with what he said. Obviously, he gave in and said that I could do whatever I want. But that’s not what I wanted to hear! I don’t want someone who just “gives in” to my argument. I want him to truly believe that it’s okay. Even though I don’t need his approval, I wanted him to feel that it’s okay for me to gain 5kg (in the event that that happens… which means I would have ate one times too many) and not chide me for it.
A few days later, I brought up the topic, telling him that “you said I was fat” when we were talking about something else. And he vehemently denied that (which is true, he didn’t say I was fat, he just said I shouldn’t get too fat, hehehe). And anyway, we made peace on that subject and now I truly can put on weight to make myself look less skinny! Huzzah!
I know that weight is a sensitive topic for some people, and being fat is definitely not on anyone’s ideal list of a perfect mate. But there are boundaries to which you limit your partner’s intake of unhealthy food… or, like the boyfriend’s case, if you tell someone who isn’t fat that she’s going to be fat if she puts on 5kg. I do agree that it’s good if you intervene when your partner is getting too unhealthy – drinking so much alcohol that it damages his liver or being a couch potato and eating junk food all the time – but otherwise, it’s really off limits.
Well, at least that’s what I tell myself. I’d get back to you if he puts on some weight.