I want an open, honest relationship. But am I being honest?

The Boyfriend just wanted to do something nice for me today, and given his busy schedule, it translates into we can talk longer. Hurrah!

Anyway, I first must say though, that he is lovely. He has been tolerating all kinds of crackpot nonsense I have been throwing at him and today, we might have escalated things by a little bit. If you’ve read any of my previous posts, you know that I am confrontational and crazy. Today, he definitely got to say hello to some of the crazies.

We have some recurring topics, and one is about our respective bellies. The boyfriend and I don’t have tummies because we exercise regularly (he’s a health nut and I follow suit) but I have raised concerns about his alcohol consumption. After all, he drinks a surmountable amount of beer! (Okay, maybe not that much. I like to exaggerate.) With this temporary long distance relationship going on, I had absolutely no opportunity to influence his (alcohol) diet and have not seen his belly in ages. Being the open, honest guy he is, he showed me his belly over the weekend… and there it was. A flat stomach.

Today, I offered to do the same, but with my shirt on, not because I don’t want to show him my flat stomach in all its shiny awesomeness, but I just feel weird showing him my stomach. On webcam. Anyway, he obviously wanted to see the real deal (Men…) and we ended up disagreeing. Once again!!

If you’ve ever been in a long distance relationship, or ever come close to being in something like this, you know that you can’t resolve arguments with kissing or sex. You have to talk it out like two adults. The boyfriend said that I “had secrets”. And I told him “Well, that’s a part of who I am!” And thanks to the joys of terrible Skype, I couldn’t see his video properly today due to a lag. So I interpreted his silence as “Are you pissed?” to which he replied, “Yes.” I thought it’d be a great idea to be juvenile for five seconds and say, “Great. I’m pissed too!”

Great.

He then brought up that he has always been open and honest with me, but I have had secrets. This is the same guy who told me “it’s okay for you to have secrets” – and I told him that! Then he said, “How would you feel if I were to tell you ‘that’s a part of who I am’ when you tell me that I have secrets?”

This really got me thinking and I knew I was in the wrong. I had always wanted an open, honest relationship and here he is, so ready to be open with me, but I am not. I am the problem and I told him I realised that. Deep inside me, I felt really bad because I “have secrets”. What’s so bad about having secrets anyway? It really is a part of who I am and how I was brought up. Don’t share your information with anyone, don’t trust anyone, don’t this, don’t that… But it is bad. It is when your partner has told you information about a certain topic and you don’t do the same. It fails all tests of equity and fairness. S-I-G-H!

I guess this makes me really reflect on all my relationships. Have I always been fair, open and honest? Or do I always expect the other person to give in to “the way I was brought up”? Because I just realised today that I am not a fair person and I make terrible decisions in keeping information to myself. I think the boyfriend noticed that I looked slightly sad, because he asked me if I was okay. End of argument. He said that it’s not a deal breaker anyway and he won’t love me less.

This might be the first time that I date such a nice guy.

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3 thoughts on “I want an open, honest relationship. But am I being honest?

  1. I’ve just stumbled upon your blog. It’s so interesting to hear about your long distance relationship.

    Before my current boyfriend, I had a long distance relationship where our relationship consisted of “Skype dates”. And you’re right! You can’t make up the same way a couple who see each other often can. You really do have to talk it out. It teaches you how to communicate effectively, otherwise the relationship won’t work. I found our relationship was the best when it was long distance, because as soon as he moved back we fell apart.

    Look forward to reading more!

    1. Thanks for dropping by. Skype dates – oh God, I can imagine replying to a friend who asks “What are you up to today?” with “I’m having a Skype date with my boyfriend”. Sorry to hear about how that relationship went, but I just dropped by your blog and hope things are going on well with your current relationship!

      P.S. Saw your latest post. A romantic, planned cooking date at home is something the boyfriend and I are planning to do once this long distance thing is over. It won’t cost a lot and you can consider it as a date idea! You can use candles from Ikea – they’re inexpensive, for one. Afterward, you could end the night by walking around the city and settling by somewhere to people watch, talk and relax. 🙂

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