What sex really means.

Sex is a potentially tricky subject. Some couples talk about it like there are no problems and other couples don’t.

Before I started dating the boyfriend, I wondered what sex meant in western cultures. Are they like the people I see in sex depraved Hollywood movies? At our age, the boyfriend and I have needs. But does that mean that I would have to give up any of my beliefs?

I was worried. Worried about what he really felt about the topic and, you know, you never really go into a date in the early part of your relationship thinking about how you’re going to approach the sex topic. Usually, when you have sex, it just happens. Sometimes you don’t even have to plan ahead. And in the midst of getting into all that action, it seems really awkward to say, “Um honey, we need to talk about sex”. Talk about bad timing.

There’s absolutely no doubt that sex is enjoyable, but from my strict upbringing, pre-marital sex is a no-no. Do my fellow countrymen think the same? Hell no. Some other women ran with the feminism story and decided that sex is liberating and an act (or acts…) that embraces a woman’s sexuality. Sex is recreation for some. A friend of my girlfriend once offered her condoms. That friend’s boyfriend is Christian (or Catholic, I can’t remember), and she said “But Christians/Catholics don’t really practise what they preach” and assumed all Christians and Catholics don’t practise their beliefs. Uh. Excuse me?

The other stigma about people who choose to wait till marriage is that they’re “high strung virgins”. Well, that MIGHT be true, but not all virgins are prudes. I’m definitely not one, and I’m not choosing not to have pre-marital sex because I’m Christian because I have not formally converted to any belief system. I just have my own code of moral ethics. I’m not saying pre-marital sex is wrong, I’m just saying I want to wait, as tough as that sounds. I don’t have problems with anybody who chooses to wait or anybody who doesn’t. You reap the consequences of your decisions.

When the boyfriend and I got together, it was difficult to resist him. He never initiated anything sexual and we never went past any form of kissing…until… one night, I was carried away. But as we weren’t back home, he stopped me and said if I wanted to do it, he’d rather do it at home in the comfort of a bed. That snapped me out of what we were doing, and I just told him point blank, “No, sorry, I want to wait.” And he said it’s okay if I wanted to wait till marriage because he knows that I am special. Awww…

So there you have it. That was how we had The Talk. And he has not pressured me to do anything since the start of our relationship until now. We’ve gone for extremely expensive dinners when we were both in university and it was his treat, and unlike some other men I heard about, he never expected any “payment” in return. What a gem! We do talk about sex, but only when I bring it up and when I have questions about what he thinks about certain things. Otherwise, he’s just content with kissing me right now, and I am too. I don’t feel worried anymore about if he expects me to do it or whatever. I am just glad that he respects my decision to wait, just as I will respect any of his decisions too.

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